I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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