He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
