she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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