Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
