If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
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I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Still dying that you shit outside
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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