She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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