you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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