Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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