you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
