An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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