You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
