Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
