Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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