FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
