I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
