my sisters under your porch take her home
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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