I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
