Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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