I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
