Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
