yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
