I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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