I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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