I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
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some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
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You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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