Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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