I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
