My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
