ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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