so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
