dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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