Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
