and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
