Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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