Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
