I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
how does that bad decision feel?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
