Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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