The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
