Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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