It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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