Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
