Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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