the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
