Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
