You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
