I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize