he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Damn victory sex feels great
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