Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
