I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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