the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
