fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
