i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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