I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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