I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
