I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
