So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
