My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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