Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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