Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
