yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
