actually, I'm a sock model
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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