I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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