Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
