yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
