well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
