so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
