he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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