I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
