How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
