Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
