I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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