The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Are we still banned from the library?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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