This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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