I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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