shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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