WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
