you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish you could order shots online.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
