Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
