I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
