Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
