I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
