so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
