How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
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