Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
