he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
