Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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